Sunday 26 March 2017

Mother's day

Today is Mothering Sunday. A day of giving thanks for mothers and the gift of motherhood. A day for daddy to help kiddies treat mummy for the day. A day for saying thank you to your mum for everything she's done for you. It's a day for hearts to be happy.

But for me, and for so many others it's a day when my heart is heavy. So, this year, on Mothering Sunday I want to acknowledge those for whom this day is a painful reminder of what they have lost, or are yet to have.

This morning you didn't wake up to messy breakfast in bed and cute handmade cards. You didn't get treated to a lie in while hubby dealt with the kids. This morning was just another morning for you. Your heart aches for these things but years have gone by since you and hubby started trying.
You are not alone. You are a valued daughter of God and he sees your tears and knows the desires of your heart. Happy Mother's day!

This morning you didn't wake up to hear your baby crying. Instead you woke up remembering the baby you carried in your womb went straight to heaven and you never got to meet her on earth. You woke up with empty arms and a heavy heart again.
God sees you, lovely lady. He loves you and loves your baby. Your babies life matters and counts no matter when she died. Happy Mother's Day!

This morning you woke up alone, again. You didn't get to look into the eyes of the man you love, the man who would be the father of your children. You know the clock is ticking and you may never be a mother simply because you never found the right guy.
God wants you to know you are loved and valued by so many people, not least Him. But he knows the longings of your heart. He hears your cries and collects your tears. Happy Mother's Day!

This morning you didn't get to call your Mum to wish her happy mother's day. You didn't get to hug her, smell her hair as it got in your face, laugh it off when she embarrassed you in public. You didn't get to tell her you love her. You miss her no matter how long she's been gone for.
God sees your heart. He is your comfort today and everyday. He knows the emptiness you feel since you lost your Mum. Happy Mother's Day!

There are so many others who find today hard too. Single Mums, people with difficult relationships with their children/Mums, people who have had their children adopted... The list goes on. You are all valid, valued and important. Happy Mother's Day to you all!

Sunday 19 March 2017

Jesus wake up, we are going to perish in the storm

Two years ago we started out on our IVF journey. We had prayed long and hard about it and felt certain this was God's will for us.
"Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him."

I didn't take well to the meds used to stimulate my ovaries and ended up in hospital. There were many delays and we were a good three months behind the original schedule we were given. We lost 2 embryos because they did not have the right genetic material for life. When we eventually transferred our first embryo it failed and we were faced with a negative pregnancy test. Our second embryo transfer resulted in my first ever pregnancy. Sadly baby died at 6 weeks and I had a surgically managed miscarriage at 10 weeks. After 6 months we were ready to try again. That transfer resulted in a pregnancy that only lasted a week after the positive test. It's known as a chemical pregnancy, a miscarriage before 6 weeks. 6 months after that I had tests to find out why I was losing all these babies. They didn't find anything but the doctor decided to try me on a medication for PCOS. I'm convinced God healed me of PCOS but my hormone levels show it's back. This medication gives me side effects akin to morning sickness. That brings us to now. We have one healthy embryo left. I have tried to order my medication so we can transfer in the Easter holidays so I don't have to take too much time off  work. The blood tests were not done by the IVF clinic. The IVF clinic need the results of the tests before they can send my meds. I have to get those results and can't get hold of the right person. We've missed the date for an Easter transfer. On top of all that the past few weeks have thrown evetything at us. I''ve had a problem with my tooth and now, thanks to an accident at the dentist, have a bit of metal file in my root canal. Yesterday our laptop broke and our car wouldn't start.
"Suddenly a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat."

Throughout this whole ordeal we have prayed, worshipped and sought God's will. Every step seemed a bit closer to our much desired answer to prayer, a baby in our arms. Yet God remains silent. The waves of the storms of life are crashing all around us threatening to overwhelm us but it's like Jesus is asleep.
"But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying 'Lord save us! We're going to drown!"

We have got to the point where we are struggling to have faith for our baby. We still hope that we will see the answet to our prayers and hold our baby in our arms but we can no longer believe that this next transfer will result in anything other than failure.
"He replied 'You of little faith, why are you so afraid?"

My prayer is that the storm of infertility will pass and we will hold our baby in our arms. God is good and in control. He is on the throne and his will is perfect. God works all things together for the good of those who love him. I have no idea how Jesus will calm this storm but i know he will.
"Then he got up and rebuked the winds and waves. And the storm was calm."